Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
