Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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