You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
