I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
