Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
