Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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