Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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