Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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