You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
