Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
