his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
