i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and she was petting her beer can
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
