I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
