is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
