I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
