Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
