She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
