You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
