well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
