I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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