hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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