Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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