Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
