my mouth tastes like poor choices
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize