found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
