You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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