i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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