the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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