i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
