I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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