Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize