i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize