just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
