We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
