ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
