I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
