i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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