He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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