Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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