I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
50% drunk capacity currently
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
