I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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