We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
