My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
