toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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