You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
