I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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