Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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