I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
