Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
