First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
