she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
