I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it's great music for shaving your balls
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
