She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
