why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
