I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
