I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
