So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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