and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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