so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
