I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
