is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
