You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
