he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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