I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
