who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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