Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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