You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
